The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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