Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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