This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
