dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
You have to summon your inner elephant
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
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