I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
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