I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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