last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
