I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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