if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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