we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
