My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Randomize
