Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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