I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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