Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
