Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
