so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
