I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
