This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
