so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
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