umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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