we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
