Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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