We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
