Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
