I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
My penis needs a shock collar
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
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