just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
She told me I should be a condom model.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Be still, my beating vagina.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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