Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Randomize
