Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
