I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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