Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
