In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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