Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
