hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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