I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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