I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
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