I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
You did what with his pubic hair?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
