I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
