Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
