I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
