Tell her she can't have a vagina
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Randomize
