Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
