just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
