imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
