The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
