birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
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