i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
