You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
