I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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