I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
