Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
