Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
