Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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