Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
