I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I love having hate sex.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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